I have been thinking about the concept of bullies in second life.  For two reasons:  1.  the upcoming pink shirt day and 2.  A recent comment I made on SCD which resulted in couple people lashing out at me for what ever issues they have with me personally.  So I decided to do a bit of research into what exactly a bully is.  I researched article, after article, after article and its appears bullying can be summarized as follows:

• Bullying is about repeated abuse of an individual or group over a period of time
• Bullying is about power, perceived or real, meaning that the target is perceived as an outsider or less than powerful than the dominant group:  We are going to bully you into submission to make ourselves feel better.
• Bullying is about social isolation:  We need to run this person out of realm, our world etc and make sure that no one will be friends with this person.
• It is about spreading gossip about the person, threatening others who wish to socialize with this person, publicly humiliating this person and so on. – Don’t you dare be friends with this person or I hate this person so I refuse to wear whatever they buy etc etc
• It is more than just an angry outburst its repeatedly attempting to make this person feel less than, uncomfortable and unwanted.
• It involves mocking, arguing others into submission, even spreading lies and false gossip.

And what about the bully themselves.  What common traits do they seem to possess.  Well my friends here is what I have found out:

• They tend to be authoritarian with need to control those around them either passively or more directly.  They can be described as control freaks.
• They appear on the surface to possess arrogance and narcissism or display an overabundance of shame and anxiety.  Either way the bullying gives them a sense of empowerment.
• They tend to be highly opinionated characterized with displays of superiority.
• They appear to possess a Jekyll and Hyde nature meaning charming in public whereas in private, aggressive and vindictive
• There is an excessive use of charm almost to the point of appearing superficial and glib.  They can be described as smooth, fawning and sycophantic.
• They target those they feel threatened by in an effort to uplift their own weak sense of self.
• They may event attempt to  portray themselves as the victim and rarely the perpetrator
• Often times, the bully has also been bullied and has yet to fully process what has happened to them.

For me personally I have been accused of being a bully.  And have I?  Yes I may have.  I have gotten so angry at a couple people in my second life and revealed things they should not have been revealed.  And for me personally I have come to see this side of me in the context of virtual living and have made a conscious effort to work on it.  I allowed my anger to control my choices vs. looking at it from the context of potential abuse.  Just because someone treats you like crap doesn’t make it okay for you to lash out and publicly humiliate someone even if the story is true.

But what bothers me about this use of the word bully in the context of SL is it seems to be used more as a tool of social control vs actual concern for a target.  It is used as a way to make a person be quiet rather than to respect them as an individual who has a need to express his or her opinion in whatever manner they choose.  If someone says something perceived as controversial or negative the best way to shut them these days seems to involve calling them a bully.  Please keep in mind I am referring to plurks, posts or opinions that are general in nature – not say a post about some sort of butthurt at the hands of some specific person.

I also am bothered by the promotion of this anti bullying day in second life.  I just worry that some people will jump on the band wagon out of a need to look good vs being concerned with the actual issues at hand.  This anti bullying day was not started to wage a war against bullying in second life but to help protect school children from harassment and intimidation.  This day is meant for real life action and support not for a virtual get together. And frankly some of the people involved are less than admired and may in actuality be viewed as bullies themselves.

I do commend those that believe in this day but instead of some in world passing of pink shirts I challenge you to move your efforts and actions to real life.  But if you choose to keep it in context of SL, why not take a moment to really think about the actions and behaviors of your peers.  And if you really feel as though someone is exhibiting the behaviors of a bully, take a private stand and discuss their behaviors with them.  And for god sakes, don’t plurk or blog it.  This will only create a defense mechanism you may not be able to overcome.

Okay enough said, the bully has spoken.  This is just my two cents folks – love me or hate me I am not afraid to say I feel.  Ciao!